Uncommentable: Student Attends Bar Review, Realizes It’s Spring Break

Editor’s note: Uncommentable is The Commentator’s satirical news imprint. All stories published under the Uncommentable banner are false and intended for entertainment purposes only.

by Albert Tawil, Staff Writer

During a week when most students flock to warm weather locations or enjoy time off in the city, some law students prefer to continue their semester routines. The most pronounced example took place this past Thursday night, when an energetic 1L showed up to Three Sheets Saloon, only to realize that Spring Break means not only no classes, but also no Bar Review.

Adam Browder ’18, the ultimate creature of habit, made the trek from his Williamsburg apartment to the Greenwich Village establishment, and was disappointed by what he found.

“I didn’t realize right away,” said the wishful partier, “after doing two laps of the upstairs and downstairs, Evan and Sam were nowhere to be found. And I was early.”

It was not until Adam got a bartender’s attention in only one minute did he realize something was up.

“I didn’t have to wave a purple drink ticket for 35 minutes. He just came and asked what I wanted to drink. It was surreal.”

When asked what his Spring Break plans were in New York City, Adam replied that he planned to outline all week, adding that he’s “pretty behind.”  Later on, Adam inevitably admitted, “I did not get as much done as I wanted.”

Although Adam arrived early last Thursday night, he ironically did not show up to either of this week’s Criminal Law classes by accident.

“I haven’t shown up to Crim in three weeks,” said Adam, offering a valid explanation, “so I just thought I was skipping class.”

“I’ll just read the E&E,” he added.

Despite his disappointment at the tavern, the budding lawyer did not end his night early. “I checked Coases, Facebook Class of 2018, Off the Wagon, and Amity Hall just to be safe,” said Adam, who finally headed to the train at 10:35pm. After the usual wait time, Adam got on the next L train from 6th Ave at 11:45pm.

He checked one more bar in Brooklyn before heading to bed. “Sometimes we join with Brooklyn Law School,” he astutely observed.

 

 

 

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