Uncommentable: Shame of Thrones: SBA President Under Fire After TV Series Spoiler (possible spoilers inside)

Editor’s note: Uncommentable is The Commentator’s satirical news imprint. All stories published under the Uncommentable banner are false and intended for entertainment purposes only.

By Albert Tawil, Staff Writer, and Guest Contributors Annie Zhou and Chris Ostojic

This month’s return of the popular HBO drama Game of Thrones has captivated millions of viewers across the country. However, with the show’s return so close to final exams, many responsible law students have pushed off the urge to watch until May 18.

Those law students were irrationally outraged when they opened a routine Student Bar Association (SBA) email regarding Exam4 compliance, which contained a spoiler of a major development in the season’s second episode.

“Finals are here, [redacted Game of Thrones reference], and please take a moment to download the latest Exam4 software and submit a practice test,” read the beginning of the scandalous email sent by SBA President Evan Shepherd.

“Honestly, if you are not Exam4 compliant at this point, you deserve it,” said an exasperated Shepherd, defending himself against a barrage of angry emails. “Anybody who is compliant would have just deleted the email.”

I don’t get what the big deal is. When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die…

“This is an example of an elected official who is completely disconnected with the student body,” said former SBA Treasurer Ally Serre, a one-time campaign rival of Shepherd. Serre says she has started an online campaign with the hashtag #NYULawRemembers “to remind law students that while this betrayal has left them feeling empty on the inside, the student body will soon rise again, harder and stronger.”

“I don’t get what the big deal is. When you play the game of thrones, you win or you die, it’s a simple two-prong analysis. Evan just pointed it out,” said one third-year law student who watches the show alone every Sunday.

To calm student outrage, the SBA Vice President released an official statement. “I, Samantha Coxe, the First of Her Name, Queen of Vanderbilt, Queen of the DL and the Three Sheets and the Amity Hall, Lord of the Lower East Side, Protector of the Bar Review, Khaleesi of the Great Grassless Square, called Samantha Stormborn, the Most-Turnt, Mother of Bobcats, hereby issue a proclamation to make recompense to those students so grievously injured by Monday’s Game of Thrones spoiler. An insult to your honor was not our intent, but it may have been a rather unfortunate consequence.”

“Bar Review tonight. 10 p.m. Off the Wagon. Be there. Last one.” the statement added, followed by multiple GIF’s of Tyrion Lannister filling his wine glass.

Tyrion Lannister of Game of Thrones raises a glass of wine.
Credit: Giphy.com

Several student groups also released statements.

“We stand in solidarity with those students who suffered from SBA’s spoiler,” said an email from the Westerosi Law Students Association (WLSA). “We are petitioning Academic Services to allow victims to defer exams for however long it takes to catch up to the most recent episode.”

Academic Services has confirmed that it will process all exam postponement requests related to Game of Thrones in its usual prompt time frame of six months.

Since the spoiler, Shepherd has met with student leaders from across the Westerosi spectrum to put forth ideas for the SBA to regain the trust of the student body. Proposals include sponsoring a Milback Tween Lunch of Assorted Sandwiches (with a free panel discussion on the unlawful detention of Cersei Lannister), a Game of Thrones-inspired 1L Reading Group called, “Using Statutory Canons to Interpret the Word ‘Hodor,'” a Wildlings Defense Clinic, and an Alternative Spring Break trip to Dorne.

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