In a startling turn of events, President Donald Trump took the unprecedented step of appointing himself acting Attorney General of the United States. During a hastily arranged Rose Garden ceremony in front of throngs of cheering supporters and stunned reporters, Mr. Trump swore himself in saying, “King Kong ain’t got nothing on me. In fact, he’s very weak on borders, low stamina, low energy. I’ll be a much better attorney general. The best, that’s what all the real Americans are saying.”

I’ll start by saying that I’m someone who believes that you can afford anything if you budget. Since college, I’ve been pretty independent financially. Coming from a family of six I knew that college was expensive. I decided that when I started school I would not ask for money. Not to mention asking wasn’t always an option for me.

Two weeks ago, the LLM Class of 2017 set sail on the Spirit of New York for a formal cruise. Hundreds of students from dozens of countries boarded to dance, drink, and talk the afternoon away in one of the highlights of the LLM program so far. The Office of Graduate Affairs is to be thanked for organizing this.

To calm student outrage, the SBA Vice President released an official statement. “I, Samantha Coxe, the First of Her Name, Queen of Vanderbilt, Queen of the DL and the Three Sheets and the Amity Hall, Lord of the Lower East Side, Protector of the Bar Review, Khaleesi of the Great Grassless Square, called Samantha Stormborn, the Most-Turnt, Mother of Bobcats, hereby issue a proclamation to make recompense to those students so grievously injured by Monday’s Game of Thrones spoiler.